The Old Baguette is writing a new post for two reasons. She now knows she can, and she wants to procrastinate. She does not want to crawl up on her scooter and ride two long blocks to her pharmacy to get the prescriptions she needs to STOP COUGHING! She does want to stop coughing, she'd like to sleep as she usually sleeps, i.e., curled up flat on her side, her face covered by one of those masks people with sleep apnea wear. That"s what the Old Baguette would like. Instead, she falls asleep for a wee span of time in her chair before her computer. The chair has arms so she doesn't fall thump on the floor, but before she's had a moment to dream a halfway decent dream, she is awakened by her own coughing. She needs those meds which were prescribed FOR HER this morning. Her concern is that she'll start coughing en route, lose control of her vehicle, and steer into traffic. Oh, ish! Such an event would be FOR no one.
Now, the Old Baguette has become fascinated by the issue of FOR WHOM things are done by spending a morning with a sundry number of lab technicians in radiology and the blood lab. When they want me to do something, they say, "Will you do this FOR ME?" No, I want to say, I won't do that FOR YOU, but I'll do it to get a good x-ray or to make my lousy veins more giving. Of course, I don't. Did anyone teach them to say, "Will you do this for me?" I don't think so. The for-me phrase was probably used in 1910 with an uncooperative patient. When it worked, others began using it until today no one would ever consider saying, "Would you please put your chin up a little higher?" No, all say, "Would you please put your chin up a little higher FOR ME?"
* * * * * * (That's what the sound of a telephone ring looks like.)
Oh dear, I just got a phone call from a friend who ran the blood labs for our medical school's hospitals.
And why was she calling? She wanted to know if she could do anything FOR ME? Where did she go wrong?
Well it may please you to know that I have had interchanges with medical personnel that were conducted sans the faux politeness. April 1970 at the Selective Service System / Armed Forces Entrance Exam Center Room 834 Federal Building 1000 Liberty Avenue, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, 06:00 hours, my self and 99 other fine young gentlemen stood stark naked in a large room. Some sort of official with a white coat came along and stuck two fingers on the right side of my groin.
ReplyDelete"Cough." Then the left side.
"Cough."
Then we were addressed as a group.
"Now listen up and get your heads out of your asses. When you feel a tap on your right shoulder, bend over and spread your cheeks."
The thing to note here was that there was no
"Could you please cough for me." or "Could you please bend over and spread your cheeks."
Next scene we were handed a cup and herded into a room with about 50 urinals.
"Piss in the cup, and bring it up to the window. DO NOT bring up less than a half of cup of piss."
Again that wasn't "Could you please piss in a cup for me."
BTW I entered the Armed Forces under false pretense. This was back before they were doing drug testing with urinalysis so the piss test was conducted quite loosely. So I am in this big room full of urinals with all these naked guys and I can't urinate. Imagine that. So I asked a guy that hadn't got up to the urinal yet, hey are you healthy? He said yes. I told him I couldn't go and asked him to fill my cup too. The robust lad with a proud American bladder took pity on me and provided a lovely full cup of amber for each of us.
First, I hope your cough is better and that your got your meds situation all cleared up.
ReplyDeleteI dislike when medical personnel call me honey or sweetie. Can you fill this cup for me Sweetie? Will you place your feet in the stirrups Honey?
I love seeing how your phone rings. Very clever!
Sextant I have to say I love your story! It sounds awful though, "bend over and spread your cheeks"? I'm glad now my dad didn't let me go into the Air Force!
I must confess, I have never been asked to place my feet in the stirrups. Gyno guy stories have to be some of the best. My wife would come out the office all pissed off because the doctor called her honey, darlin' (this was when Dallas was on, remember JR) sweetie, sweetheart, and BABE (as in the speculum will feel cold BABE). I would get my ass reamed the whole way home about the sexist pigs in the medical profession. She has one now that doesn't pull that crap and treats her with respect.
ReplyDeleteThe best though was one time she had a bladder infection. She went to a urologist. He asked if we were having sex. She said no it was too painful. He then proceeds to chew her out for denying her husband over a silly little bladder infection. I should have went in and apologized to the doctor, it seems that I have problems maintaining the proper state when I know I am hurting my wife. How could I violate his macho ideals on husbandly privileges, over a silly bladder infection and female pain? Anyhow, when my wife recovered consciousness (this guy's arrogance floored her) she unleashed the wrath of the heavens on him, and got the doctor informed that her information on her sex life was only pertinent to the bladder infection, and that her husband didn't particularly enjoy sex when it caused her pain, and that she felt sorry for his wife. I was rather proud of her.